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Now, let’s talk court lingo. The court is divided into sections, including the much-feared "Kitchen." No, it's not where you make your pickle sandwiches. The kitchen is the no-volley zone near the net, and stepping into it at the wrong time is a pickleball sin. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard, “Stay out of the kitchen!” More than once, I’ve been tempted to retort, “But I’m starving!” To illustrate my point on the importance of navigating the kitchen let me tell you a little story:

• It's a classic sports underdog story. Everyone loves an underdog, right? Wrong. Not when you are the “underdog” as a 24 years old, recent Division 1 athlete, and your competition, the favorite, is a 70 year old with two knee braces on. At the risk of embarrassing myself further, I will keep this story brief. Me vs my competitor. Competitor is on the verge of pickling said underdog aka me (pickling for those not familiar means you get beat 11-0), Competitor is serving for the win and the point is going on, as a last ditch effort for the little respect I had left, I make a diving effort to save the point and then the worst case scenario happens, I step in the kitchen. Immediate gut punch. Then to add insult to injury, my competitor yells gleefully, what are you a slut for the kitchen? and hence the “kitchen slut” nickname emerged. Now, I have learn to wear this nickname with honor. Because what else are you supposed to do when you are a kitchen slut.

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Pardon My Pickle: A Hilarious Dive into the World of Pickleball

Hey there, pickle enthusiasts! Or should I say, dill-lighted fans of the fastest-growing sport in America? Grab your paddles, tighten your laces, and brace yourselves for a journey through the pun-tastic, pickle-rific world of pickleball.

The Birth of a Pickleball Passion

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, I stumbled upon a game with a name so curious it could make a cucumber blush. Yes, you guessed it—pickleball. I remember my first game vividly. There I was, on the court, ready to serve. With a deep breath, I whispered to myself, "Pardon my pickle," and served what can only be described as the most gloriously pathetic underhand lob in the history of the sport.

Paddle Pandemonium

For the uninitiated, pickleball is a tantalizing blend of tennis, badminton, and ping pong, played with a paddle and a plastic ball with holes. However, unlike tennis where court tantrums, racket smashing, and grunting are par for the course, pickleball is not for the drama queens but rather for the real athletes and true sportsmen. Yes, yes median age of a pickleball player is roughly 65 but don't underestimate a retiree with time, a new found passion, and a determination to put the “youngsters” in their place. Now onto padle, padel, no one knows how the to pronounce it, but don't even bother trying because it sucks either way. Awww you need a wittleeee wall to help you keep the playing going? How cute! All that is left to say is a simple tenant I live by: Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, play paddle.

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Pickleball Proverbs to Live By

1. Dink or Die Trying: The dink is mightier than the smash.
2. Stay Out of the Kitchen: Unless you’re a kitchen slut.
3. In a Pickle: Embrace the chaos of the court.
4. It is always dink o'clock: As a wise man once said, its dink o'clock somewhere
5. Double Dink: because why have one d(r)ink when you can have two!
6. Get Served: Because who doesn't loved to be served on and off the court!

May your serves be swift, your dinks be deft, your lobs be legendary, and the only apology or excuse you give is a simple one: pardon my pickle. See you on the court and welcome to the pickle jar!

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